he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
