the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
