she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
did i walk over a car last night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize