Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
