and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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