is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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