Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
