is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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