dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
