So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Couch. On fire.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
