Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
