So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
