i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
