I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
