There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
