you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
