so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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