Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
