there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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