tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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