my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
