Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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