A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
