I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
