after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
