Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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