If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
