Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we have pet lesbian snakes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize