i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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