The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
