Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pants are for mortals
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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