watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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