Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize