When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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