We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
