last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
