dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I would fuck him just for his dog
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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