Betty ford says i'm here all night
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
