mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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