Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
