I think I am morally bankrupt
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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