fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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