It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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