is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
