nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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