it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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