her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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