god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
