i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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