I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
