i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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