did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
