wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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