STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
