Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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