what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
