How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
