If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
