I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
