You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize