I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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