I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
