i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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