life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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