What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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