Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
