what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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