Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
