she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
