i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
