Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
