i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
