I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
