forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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