How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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