I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
