it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
