have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
not ubering you a puppy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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