I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
so much tequila, so little girl.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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