I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
