if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
ttyl tear gas
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize