So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize