Where did you get a picture of my penis
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
