I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
