At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
