..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
