I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
