my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
