I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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