I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Randomize
