I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
