You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
high people should be assigned attendants
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
