I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
