so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Randomize