I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
