True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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