What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
