So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
