I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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