I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
